If you want to know how to get your ex back the you should read on… After many months of trial and error, what I found by accident was that a typical relationship experiences four very distinct stages. These stages are so profound and enlightening that you will laugh at yourself in discovering how easy it can be to learn how to get your ex back. If you are ready then read on. These stages are called the “Relationship Decay”.
At first, I thought that I was the only person uniquely experiencing all of these stages. That these stages where all just glitches. But as I continued to explore and do research…
What I found out was that these relationship stages namely: Bliss, Switch, Drift and Death were named by me, all the evidence are already there to prove and back this all up. There has been DECADES of research to back it up and I was the first to piece it all together.
To not share the research that has gone through my Relationship rewind system would be a shame because of the priceless research of other people’s efforts. I’ll share to you right now what this breakthrough system on how to get your ex back can do for you…
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How To Get Your Ex Back
figure 1. The feelings of Bliss that we have can be traced scientifically through the activity of mirror neurons in our brain. Bliss feels great! But there is a scientific explanation to it.
STAGE 1:THE BLISS
Everything feels perfect in this relationship stage! You and your partner both feel that you are meant for each other. All is in place and great: the love is strong, the sex is fantastic and it seems the feeling would never end (This is the part where you are the happiest together as a couple and most romantic. This is also the phase where you are brag about your new love to your friends and family)
When Your Mate Is Experiencing Bliss, You Experience It As Well. Thanks To Mirror Neurons
“Emotional contagion” is what’s called. A weird phenomenon coined by psychologists. It’s a process wherein emotion is transfered by two partners mimicking each other’s body language. Simply put, if you’ll do it, she’ll almost automatically do the same thing. And when she feels it, you’ll feel it too.
figure 2. Emotional cues that feed back and forth are caused by mutual feelings shared by both partners. This is because of the activity of mirror neurons “copying” each other. This emotional mirroring is what creates that feeling that you are meant to be.
A professor at the University of Hawaii named Elaine Hatfield, ran a test of college students watching different people as test subjects describing very happy and very sad events in their lives. After the test, the results were documented as how these stories impacted the listeners.
Here is the interesting fact, the listeners felt the EXACT same emotion as the story teller. Why?
It’s because, “People experience emotions similar to those that they follow.” what this means is that when they listened to the different gestures, vocal and facial cues or expressions made by the speaker, be it happy, sad, or excited, they experienced it likewise. With your partner, the same thing happens.
So you may be asking to yourself, how does this apply to my relationship? When things are going well, smooth, and right, everybody is “in love.” Both you and your partner feel the same way. Either way, when one feels more in love towards another, it would reflect on the other or vice versa.
However, whenever a slight change or “switch” happens in you or in your partner, both of you can feel it. It’s all because of these mirror neurons.
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figure 3. What triggers the Switch stage is often a ‘break in relationship values or agreements by both parties’. Psychologists say that this is often the root cause of the sudden change in the relationship.
STAGE 2: THE SWITCH
The part where something changes in the relationship is called the “switch”. This is when all of a sudden, your rose-colored glasses are removed and you see your partner for who they really are. A real person with flaws and mistakes. Everything is still cool and you still do have nice sex but the feeling of cloud nine wears away and one of you seems more distant and the other chasing.
One of the major reasons of why we tend to like a certain acquaintance is because we get to see this person more often than others. This is called the “exposure effect”, discovered by researchers Beach and Moreland in 1992. These researchers conducted a study where in four fake students were introduced to a college class, who all looked and dressed identical, at varying amounts of time. For example, some went more often to class. Others on the other hand, barely attended at all.
figure 4. Richard Lee Moreland and Scott R. Beach, respectively
When asked by the researchers, the students from the college class apparently all chose the fake student that attended class the most.
And you know what? none of these fake students interacted with anyone at all!
That’s the exposure effect. Just the fact that people get to see you more often, the natural “awkward” phase of any interaction becomes comfortable. In the case of a romantic relationship, this is where uncomfortable awkwardness becomes Bliss. It’s natural that if you get exposed to someone more often, the more likelihood it is for someone to be more familiar with you and therefore bond with you deeper. With relationships it is the same, you and your partner will eventually fall in love once you are exposed more often.
Here’s the catch.
The Exposure effect was given a darker twist in 2007 by a group of people namely Ariel, Frost and Norton. They challenged the accepted belief that “the more you know about someone, the more you’d like them.”
What they did was give test subjects information tests and be randomly evaluated by a group that has been only exposed to them for a short amount of time. While it is true that the more you see someone, the more likely it is that you would like them. What these group of researchers found out was that once more information was discovered by the test subjects, the less the group liked them. Hence the cliché that goes, “familiarity breeds contempt.”
figure 5. Once the Switch happens, the theory that your partner will fall in love you deeper is already out of context. That only happens before the Switch stage happens.
And the intelligent guess that Norton and his colleagues predicted proved to be true. The reason why you tend to dislike people is because eventually after the first instance you meet them, you are bound to discover something that you don’t like about them. The inverse is also proved to be true.
This result of this study PROVES what every couple knows. Think about it, as you spent time with your partner didn’t you somehow reach a point where you discovered something about him or her that you didn’t like and suddenly you felt a little…off?
It could be anything from a dark secret or something as innocent and trivial as biting one’s fingernails.
Whatever it is, it’s as if you have suddenly “woke” up from a spell and suddenly you can see everything within reality and not within “la-la land”. Because of this Over-exposure fighting mere-exposure your mirror neurons work against you and make you feel less towards your partner.
Your relationship is now firmly in the Switch stage…
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figure 6. There is a point where your partner seems to see everything in you at a different light. This is called ‘Attribution Bias’ and they have already labeled you as ‘bad’ in their mind. This is the full on-set of the Drift stage.
STAGE 3: THE DRIFT
The part where your partner pulls away from you, either emotionally, physically or both is called the “Drift”. “Going cold” is what is most commonly known. Sex is a little less and talking to her and having dates seemed to be more of a drag rather than something enjoyed. More negative emotions start to surface like anger…jealousy…envy and mistrust giving hold of negative feelings that would send a once healthy relationship, spiraling down!
The Switch In The Relationship Has Such A Dramatic Impact Due To The Mere Exposure Effect
It’s normal to think that you would focus on the good parts of the person even if you find something that you don’t like, right? Sorry to burst your bubble, but science says otherwise.
The fact is that our brains cannot process everything all the information we know about someone at the same time. So in effect, what our brains do is “color” the new information and combine it with the previous things we know about someone.
Psychologists call these “Positive and Negative effect” or Halo effect that creates an “Attribution Bias.”
What happens is that once we see good and bad traits about our partner and label it accordingly, this affects the rest of how we see their traits. That is why falling in love or being in Bliss feels so wonderful because we don’t see any flaws and label everything about our partner as GOOD!
Because of this “Attribution Bias”, we dismiss every negativity we see about our partner and see it as just “a fluke” or “cute.”
But just like a ticking time bomb, the exposure effect of being in bliss has its expiry once you encounter something about your partner that is strong enough to break your attribution bias. Once that happens, there is no way but down…
figure 7. Before your relationship spirals out of control, it is very important that you Rewind your relationship FIRST! Everything you try to communicate to your partner would only be useless because of the devastating effect of staying in the Drift Stage coupled with ‘Attribution Bias’
What’s more is that on our part our negative perception about someone spirals downward without much control due to the Exposure Effect, a fourth study has concluded. A relationship that is set up to go downhill once we see something that we don’t like about our parter (which simply means we find something not in common with us).
This Negative effect pervades everything and even the things that your partner used to be fond about you are now being thought about in a different light. This will often then lead to a break up or divorce but not before the drifting of each other to cold and distant becomes apparent.
When your ex has made a deliberate move to shut you out of their life, this is the stage of the relationship that you should never try to chase your partner during this Drift apart period as this would only worsen and mess things even more. The lowest point of any relationship is when your partner is already finding ways to shun you out of their life and eventually break up with you.
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figure 8. The three points that signify that your relationship has approached the Death stage is when 1. Your partner has labeled you as ‘bad’ in their head 2. They wish that you were out in their life 3. They are taking some significant action to do so
STAGE 4: DEATH’S DOOR
A result of a research says…
The deliberate action of someone trying to kick you out of their lives has a reason and let’s examine that a little further. What was found in the research was that a junkie or alcoholic behaved the same way as with someone who was going through a relationship breakdown. It has led to the discovery that the deep parts of your brain that are responsible for addiction are the reason for this kind of behavior.
15 brokenhearted men look at the pictures of their exes and was asked to solve a math problem. Then, their brain activities were measured by researchers from the Stony Brook University. The results were then shown to the Journal of Neurophysiology.
Subjects who recently experienced certain relationship traumas were asked to think about their exes by a group of researchers at the Albert Einstein College of Medicine in New York by using a functional MRI scanner to observe each person’s brain activity.
They observed that the people who were going through withdrawal, like cocaine addicts, had certain parts of their brain lit up as same as those of the subjects. Surprisingly they found out that both had similar results.
It seems that love is closely similar to any kind of addiction because certain parts of the brain are associated with motivation and reward for addiction cravings are being activated. A person going through a drug withdrawal has certain parts of their brain affected. As this MRI scan shows, same as the case during a breakup.
The nonstop guilt, depression and panic attacks all start to come along again even you just simply reminisce them for no reason. Even if it was your own decision to leave the relationship, that is the result when you lose someone you love.
The usual way how junkies “stay clean” is to make their situation impossible to give them a quick fix. Eventually, this is how your ex-partner will find a way to cope with the pain.
In an act to make themselves deal with the pain and feel better, they take a step out of their life.
The Negative effects and Mere Exposure has taken its full effect and you were pulled apart by its psychology. But while trying to withdraw fully from you life may be a drastic move, it doesn’t mean the end of the world. This could be negated especially if both of you are really meant to be.
figure 9.Surprisingly enough, the same areas of the brain of a person that is going through a drug withdrawal is similar with a person who has going through a breakup, as MRI scans show in this picture.
The first step to solving this problem is to remind your partner that the two of you were such a good fit. All you need to do is to take a step back and rewind your relationship. To make your relationship well again, all it takes is to trace back your steps from the point where things started to head downhill.
In this free video/letter, I will explain it in great detail. All I know is that this is the best way and you’ll never find anything like it.
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