Approaching a woman
By Rob Judge
Often Women Know Within the First 10 Seconds of Meeting a Man Whether They Are Going to Sleep with Him or Not. Read on to know more about how guys are ruining it when approaching a woman. With that you’ll also know the things that are not to do when approaching women.
Approaching A Woman
Trying Too Hard
Have you ever seen a guy who was so obviously trying to act cool or look important when approaching a woman. But he just ended up being the guy all the women laughed about later and made fun of? Sure you have. Just like me, I’m sure you’ve had attractive female friends that always seem to hookup with the guy who “doesn’t seem to care”…but for some reason they never considered you, even though you put in way more effort.
What’s up with that? Actually it’s very simple…
Women don’t hookup with the guy who’s “putting in the most effort.” They hookup with guys they perceive to be “attractive”—which is just a convenient way to say “guys they think are cooler than they are.” And nothing says to a woman “you’re way cooler than me” than a guy who exerts a lot of effort in an interaction—especially when meeting someone for the first time.
I realize this isn’t always obvious. It may be hard to chill out and stop trying so hard…but get used to it. Until you relax and keep yourself from obviously trying to “get” her attention and attraction, you’ll never even get off the ground with attractive woman.
Chatting But Not Attracting
What do most guys do when they are talking with a woman they find attractive? Right! They turn into Dr. Phil and play daytime talk show host as they “interview her” and try to pick topics she likes…
Well, here’s a newsflash for you…you will NEVER SPARK ATTRACTION WITH A WOMAN BY JUST AIMLESSLY CHATTING WITH HER! Woman are stimulated by emotions and tension (a.k.a., flirting). Just think of the adventurous types of men women tend to like…bad boys, rock stars, and celebrities.
For most of us guys, women don’t immediately drool over us based on our looks or status—so how in the world do we expect to stoke her attraction by just having a boring chat? Yet we all do it. When a woman gives us her attention, we try to play it safe, ask the questions we think she’ll like, talk about stuff that’s neutral or common, and do our best to keep her talking to us. Bad idea. One that will never fan the flames of her attraction.
Apologize For Liking Her
Another huge and avoidable mistake that most guys make with when approach a woman is apologizing for feeling attracted to her—or even apologizing for wanting to talk to her. Attractive women intimidate most guys. And they get men bending over backwards to appease them all the time. Men jump through their hoops, do whatever it takes to keep them happy, and often go out of their way to make sure they feel “comfortable” and “not offended.”
And guess what? Attractive women wait until guy-after-guy admits SHAMEFULLY that he’s attracted to her. Sometimes the guy doesn’t come outright and say it, instead he’ll pretend he’s interested in something she likes and use that as a pretext for a date: “Let’s go see Twilight together—and I’ll pay!” Even if the guy actually has the balls to tell her directly, often he first apologizes for wanting to talk to her: “I’m sorry to bother you but…”
This signals to the woman that you’re just like all the other guys who are so intimidated by her that you feel you the need to “hide” or “apologize for” the fact you like her—all because you think that makes her feel “more comfortable” around you.
Don’t do it. Be confident in your feelings. You don’t need to come right out and proclaim exactly what you’re feeling, but definitely don’t try to cover it up—or apologize for it.
Taking Yourself Too Seriously
One of the most common mistakes that a guy can make is getting overly emotional before a woman even knows him… because he is taking the interaction (and himself) way too seriously… and investing all of his male ego and pride into one interaction, with one girl (who he doesn’t even know yet!). And sure, as men, it can be hard to get over our pride when approaching a woman for the first time.
But YOU MUST.
We all know women love men with a sense of humor, yet how can we be “funny” or even “interesting” if we are trying to micromanage every aspect of an interaction with an attractive woman? Instead, relax. Lighten up. Learn to laugh a little at yourself. And you’ll see this attitude will attract women to you like a magnet.
Making It Obvious You Rehearsed Your Approach
Earlier I mentioned that it’s a mistake to try so hard when approaching a woman. You make it apparent that you see the woman as “cooler” than you. Well, another way men signal to a woman they feel “less cool” than her is by rehearsing their approach. Put another way, guys worry about every detail of an approach—from the opening line to how to ask for her number—and they play and replay the scene in their head. Another bad idea…
Women are never attracted to men who aren’t in control of a situation and display leadership qualities (a.k.a., confidence)…women just aren’t attracted to insecure wimps! Don’t worry that you need to rehearse every detail before approaching a woman. Just do it—and feel confident that you can handle whatever happens!
Not Understanding How To Tactfully Move Things Forward
Now I’m going to blow you away with a little insider dating secret… A woman is expecting you to move an interaction forward… and actually will get turned off if you fail to do so. Let me say this again: If you don’t move an interaction toward intimacy and get physical with her, women will actually LOSE their attraction to you.
I know, it might be hard to believe. But for example, if you’re talking to a girl for more than a couple minutes, she’s probably already thinking, “Okay, when is going to ask for my number?” or even, “Okay, so when is he going to kiss me?” And if you don’t do it—or fail to do it smoothly—then she’ll actually “cool off” and start thinking of ways to dismiss you: “I think we’re better off just being friends…”
And this goes for ALL aspects of women and dating… Confidently approaching a woman, going for the number, asking her out, kissing her, getting sexual… everything. If you hesitate or don’t know what to do in each situation, you will end up losing EVERYTHING. And you know it.
It is crucial that you understand how to tactfully move from one step to the next when approaching woman… from the approach, all the way to the bedroom.
Not Seeking Out Direction or Help
Here it is: The most deadly mistake men make that ensures they remain single and never date the girl they really want. This is the one mistake that holds men back from EVER having the kind of success with women that would leave them truly satisfied. I know, we’re guys so we hate to seem helpless. We don’t even like to ask for directions, let alone dating help.
I’d know, I was there myself at one point. A couple years ago, I moved to New York City after graduating college and felt completely frustrated that I’d pass beautiful women all day, but I didn’t have a clue about approaching a woman. I don’t know how to meet them, and get dates with them. It was like slow torture!
One weekend I met up with a friend from college. We spotted 2 women we wanted to meet, but neither of us had the balls to approach them. I can still see the movie of that night playing in my head…right then I decided I had to do whatever it took to learn how to successfully meet and date women.
Well, after lots of “field work” and trying all kinds of crazy tips and techniques, I finally mastered it. Approaching a woman. It was definitely worth it. I no longer feel that paralyzing feeling of insecurity… like I don’t know if I’ll ever meet a girl I’m really attracted to… and I might end up single forever. I know that I can just stroll outside and meet beautiful woman anytime, anywhere.
I’ve written a book on the topic, and I’ve coached guys all across the United States. Taught thousands of men all across the world about the topic of approaching a woman. If you’re serious about getting this area of your life handled then this is for you. If you want to discover what really works when approaching a woman then click on the link below to learn more.